The Parable of the Oh So Many Trees

Yea, it came to pass in the beginning of the autumn of the year two thousand and twelve that the leaves were just beginning to change colors.  And a man did go forth and did gaze at the leaves; and behold, let us call him Brother Spike Cross, for behold it is fitting.  And it came to pass that as Brother Spike did gaze upon the leaves he was not filled with wonder, but instead was filled with loathing.  For behold, he knew that soon the leaves would fall.  And behold they would not simply fall in a nice pile, but would be scattered to and fro across the whole of the yard and their number would be as the sands on the seashore and as the stars in the sky.

And it came to pass that the thought of this multitude of leaves did fill him with rage; and behold, his anger, yea his fierce anger, did inspire a plan.  And this plan was simple and yet oh so very devious.  For he did say in his heart, “No branches means no leaves.”  And it came to pass that he did say again in his heart, “No trees means no branches.”  And with this thought he did journey forth to the garage to fetch his tools.

And behold, his tools were simple and yet they were cunning.  For he had not a chainsaw; yea, it sufficeth me to say that he had not the permission to purchase a chainsaw of epic proportions.  And yet he had three tools and he did gather them in his hand.  And behold, they were a small set of pruning clippers, a small folding handsaw, and (the most cunning and devious of all, as you shall see at the end of this record) a pocket chainsaw.

And with these tools, nay these implements of destruction, Brother Spike did venture forth into the yard.  And it came to pass that he did take the pruning clippers and did shear off each and every branch that was within his reach.  And behold, he did go forth to even some of the mighty trees in the yard and did jump up and did grasp the branches and did pull them down near unto himself and did cut them until the branches did fall to the ground and did never rise again.

And behold, this was much to the liking of Brother Spike, insomuch that he did spend much time in the yard and great was the destruction to the low hanging branches and small trees and shrubs which did grow throughout the landscape.  And behold, at times there were branches which were too much for the tiny pruning shears to cut through, but behold, did this stop Brother Spike?  Nay, for he did proceed to bring forth the folding handsaw and did unfold it and did lock its blade of many teeth into position and did proceed to slowly but surely hack his way through the limb of any tree which he could grasp.

And it came to pass that the branches did litter the ground and he did desire to burn them, but behold he did content himself to drag them away to the edges of the yard and did throw them in that low and somewhat swampy area of the yard which did serve no purpose but to breed mosquitoes of doom.  And he did gaze upon the yard and did see that there were no more branches within his reach and yet there were an exceeding number of trees, and yea, some were rather small and others were mighty, and yet even the smallest of the trees did exceed him in stature.

And it came to pass that Brother Spike did envy the trees and their loftiness and that they could enjoy the cool breeze and the amazing views from above whilst he did have to drag himself through the dirt.  And behold, he did survey the landscape and did choose a tree to destroy, which was close unto him.  And yea, it was a modest tree of only approximately four inches in diameter.  And he was angry and did push on the tree and to his amazement it did sway and shake before him.  And behold he did smile and did push the tree back and forth until it did topple over and he did laugh for although the tree was twenty feet tall its root ball was exceeding tiny, like unto a volleyball.  And for this reason did it fall before him.

And it came to pass that Brother Spike did glory in his own strength and did find another tree of similar size.  And behold he did tree to push it over as he had the other unfortunate tree, but behold its roots sank deep into the earth.  Nevertheless, he did notice that there was a small hole in the base of the tree and the heart of the tree seemed to be rotting.  And he did see that this weakness might be exploited.  And behold, Brother Spike did grab hold of the tree and did attempt to bend it, and yea, after some time and effort the tree did crack right at the point of weakness and did topple to the ground.

And behold, there were an exceeding number of trees and yet some were deep in the forested part of the yard and were not easily accessible and so Brother Spike did seek for those trees which were alone or were standing upon the fringes of the forest.  And he did find a suitable specimen which was large, yea, even exceedingly tall.  And yea, it was too large to push over or to break down by hand, and therefore he did bring forth the folding saw again and did begin to cut a notch into the tree so that it might not fall upon his head.  And behold he did set forth in earnest to cut the tree down.  And yea, the sharp teeth of the saw did cut into the base of the tree and the sawdust did fly and yea, Brother Spike became weary after approximately three and one half minutes of sawing.  And yea he was about to give up, but behold he did notice that because the tree was standing far from the other trees it had no support.  And yea, he did decide to use the loftiness of the tree against itself.  And yea, by pushing the tree, behold its own weight did cause it to topple although the cut in its base was relatively small.

And yea, then Brother Spike did bring forth his most cunning tool, the pocket chainsaw.  And as it lay coiled like a serpent in the grass he did think back to how he was able to obtain it with great ease from the internet.  And behold, it did not appear to be a devious implement of destruction, but its teeth were exceedingly sharp.  And its design was exceptionally cunning, for as he did place it against a tree and did pull, much pressure, yea indeed all of Brother Spike’s weight was brought to bear against the base of the tree.  And the pocket chainsaw did rip through the wood with such ferocity that it was near impossible to remove the saw.  Yea, the pocket chainsaw did cut through even large and mighty trees such that they did fall to the earth.

And it came to pass that he did use his cunning techniques to fell several more trees and it was exceedingly quick and easy, such that he did clear many small trees in the course of an hour.  And as each tree fell he did behold that they did take their leaves with them and the knowledge that he would not have to deal with those leaves in the autumn did make Brother Spike exceedingly glad.  And yea, there were still a multitude of trees in the yard and Brother Spike knew that he could not possibly bring them all down, but yea, for those trees which had fallen it mattered not how many were still standing for they themselves would never rise again.

For further reading see The Parable of the Oh So Many Trees – Explanation

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