Yea, it came to pass in the summer of the year two thousand and twelve that the sun did rise extremely early in the morning. And with the rising of the sun, so arose a man. Yea, it behooveth me to change names to protect the foolish; therefore let us call him Brother Ike Cross.
And it came to pass that Brother Ike had a yard and within that yard there were contained a multitude, yea, a plethora of rocks of all shapes and sizes. Yea, and all of them were exceedingly heavy as though they were made from the remnants of a dwarf star.
And it came to pass that Brother Ike did journey forth from his oh so comfortable air-conditioned bedroom and did venture out into the exceedingly hot and humid land round about his home. And he did carry forth from the garage his tools of manliness, namely a pickaxe and two shovels. Yea, and one of the shovels he affectionately named Herbert the Magnificent. And Herbert did have an exceedingly strong blade and metal running more than halfway up the handle, so as to increase its mighty strength. For behold, Brother Ike was a man of brute strength (and exceeding humility) and had broken another shovel (from henceforth known as Tiny Tim) and therefore Brother Ike’s kind and wonderful wife had given Herbert to him as a tool befitting the job that lie ahead.
Therefore Brother Ike ventured forth, taking with him his tools, and did survey the yard, noting the numberless rocks which did jut forth from the land like the teeth of a fossilized rancor. And behold, Brother Ike did have a meeting later that morning and therefore had a limited amount of time to complete this mighty endeavor. But he was not wearing a wristwatch and so his aforementioned lovely wife promised to call him in when his time was up.
And so despite the immensity of the task, Brother Ike began by choosing a seemingly modest and tiny stone, which did only protrude from the earth a matter of inches. And it came to pass that he used his exceedingly cool pickaxe to probe the edges of the stone and to uncover it. And once it was uncovered he was sore amazed at the bulk of the stone and did almost abandon his task and return to the comfort and air conditioning of his home.
But behold, Brother Ike knew that this path led only to woe and misery. For the great day of reckoning was fast approaching in which Brother Ike would be called upon to mow the lawn. And he knew that the stones would act as immense obstacles to the mowing of the lawn and that he would be forced to maneuver around them at all times or risk breaking a blade on his lawnmower. And he also knew that this would cause his temper to flare with the brightness of a thousand suns and that he would weep and wail and possibly gnash his teeth.
And so, to avoid this awful fate, Brother Ike did draw forth his shovel, Herbert. And he did plunge the shovel into the earth thousands of times. Yea, my heart is pricked because of my boasting and it was possibly only a dozen times. But nevertheless he did unearth the stone and did pry it loose from the ground and did roll it forth to the edges of the wilderness. And there he did place the stone as the base of a wall that would separate his land from the wilderness which was infested with ticks and poison ivy and possibly Gadianton robbers.
And thus pleased with his initial fruitful efforts, he returned to his tools and did venture forth to find another rock. And lo, he only had to travel two and one half feet. And he did smite the earth with his pickaxe and did pry with his shovel, but to no avail. For the rock would not budge. And behold, he did notice that there was another stone and he did uncover that stone and found that it did overlap the previous stone. And it came to pass that as Brother Ike removed the upper stone he found that he had freed the lower rock so that with much effort he was able to remove the stone which had previously bested him. And these stones were also rolled to the edges of the wilderness to be placed as a barrier.
And it came to pass that as Brother Ike traveled back to his tools he looked and did behold a massive stone, the likes of which he had not hitherto even attempted to move. But behold, knowing that the day of the mowing of the lawn would soon be upon him and that this stone would present a large and difficult obstacle of doom, he did take it upon himself to remove it from his yard. And thus he gathered his tools and did begin his efforts.
And lo, he did wrestle with that stone and the sweat did drip from his body. And behold, he did decide to take a quick break and to pick up several small stones, yea, which were smaller than his fist. And he was pleased for he was concerned that his wife would ask how many rocks he had moved and that this act would pad his numbers. And behold, he did return to the rock of doom and did wrestle again and did succeed in prying it loose from the ground. And oh, what rejoicing he did feel in his heart. And oh what sorrow he did feel when he realized that although it was now free of the ground, he had not the strength to lift it from the hole which he had dug.
And it came to pass that Brother Ike did proceed to murmur, and oh what a murmuring it was. And behold, as he murmured he noticed the multitude of mosquitoes and biting flies which did swarm around his head and buzz in his ears. And he did swat at them with the intent to smite them to the ground, that they might not return. But behold, his flailing did only cause the swarm to increase in size until it was approximately the size of Brother Ike’s car. And lo, he did realize that because he had drenched himself in bug spray before venturing forth, the mosquitoes and flies were unable to land upon him to drink his blood and sap his strength. But behold, this did not stop the annoyance of their constant buzzing.
But lo, Brother Ike did look up and did behold his lovely wife standing in the window. And he did take heart and did realize that he should publicly thank her for being so fabulous. And it was so. And he did undertake his monumental task again, for he did remember that the day of the mowing of the lawn would soon be upon him and that he had no idea how much time remained before he would be called home. And so he did push and pull and pry with the shovel, insomuch that the fear of a hernia was upon him, but he did not stop. And behold, his young son who had decided to play in the yard did come near unto Brother Ike. And Brother Ike did request that his son push down upon a shovel while he did pull the stone from the pit.
And behold, Brother Ike was not an engineer and did not take into account that a child of thirty-five pounds should not try to pry up a boulder of two hundred and fifty pounds. And behold, Brother Ike’s plans came to naught and he did contemplate buying a different house, one without rocks in the yard. But he did soon realize that this was impossible. And he did contemplate burying the rock under a small hill of dirt, but this was of course absurd, for the rock would still be there taunting him.
And behold as Brother Ike did wrestle with these thoughts he did also wrestle with the stone and did succeed in prying it almost twelve inches out of the ground. And he was attempting to kick dirt and grass under the stone to raise it up from the ground, when to his surprise his young son did throw a Bacci ball under the rock in an attempt to be helpful. And to Brother Ike’s great amazement this did act as a ball bearing and did allow him to finally, after great effort, remove the stone from the pit. And there was much rejoicing and high fives.
And it came to pass that upon ever so slowly rolling the stone to the edges of the yard, that Brother Ike was called home by his wife. And he was sore afraid that she would be ashamed of him for moving only a handful of stones. But it came to pass that she did not ask the number of stones he had moved, nor the size of the stones. Yea, she did only compliment him on his unceasing efforts and did praise him for his hard work.
And it came to pass that later in that same week, the day of reckoning was upon Brother Ike. And he did venture forth to mow the lawn. And yea, he did see that there were still many stones left in the yard and yet, he did not feel ashamed. For he knew that he had done all that he possibly could in the time which was given him. And as he mowed the lawn he experienced joy as he saw the places where he had removed the stones and which would never again cause him sorrow. And it came to pass that he did mow the lawn, and he did see that the lawn was good for it was his own.
For further reading see The Parable of the Mighty Big Rocks – Explanation